Help Desk Screeds

Steve Jobs is Saruman

Steve Jobs speaks with the Voice of Saruman.

I always enjoy watching the Internet frenzy surrounding a Steve Jobs keynote. There are weeks of pre-speech commentary discussing what the Great Leader will say. Rumors are surfaced, debunked, viciously debated in countless Internet forums. And when the glorious day of the Blessed Event finally arrives, every major technology blog is liveblogging every word that falls from Jobs’s lips, along with photos of Great Leader’s stern yet inspiring visage.

Bill Gates is probably wondering what the heck he has to do to get that kind of public adulation.

But I still enjoy the Stevenote festivities. Jobs is an absolute master of propaganda. He could probably make Goebbels weep tears of bitter envy. In fact, we’re probably fortunate that Jobs turned his talents to selling overpriced electronics, instead of trying to conquer Europe.

The bit from the keynote where the new MacBook Air comes out of a manila envelope? Priceless. You just don’t see rhetorical flourishes like that these days. Of course, the MacBook Air might be super-thin, but it’s got some problems. No optical drive, only one USB port, and neither the battery nor the hard drive are user-removable? No removable battery in a $1700 machine? That’s just silly. You could probably buy a laptop at Wal-Mart with twice the utility for a third of the price.

But none of that matters. Expect wild praise to be heaped upon the MacBook Air. Watch as it is lauded by a revolutionary leap forward in the field of mobile computing. Why, you ask?

Because Steve Jobs is Saruman.

“Another voice spoke, low and melodious, its very sound an enchantment. Those who listened unwarily to that voice could seldom report the words that they heard; and if they did, they wondered, for little power remained in them. Mostly they remembered only that it was a delight to hear the voice speaking, and all that it said seemed wise and reasonable, and desire awoke in them by swift agreement to seem wise themselves.”

If that last bit doesn’t describe the Cult of Mac to a tee, I don’t know what does.

-JM

UPDATE: Behold the awesome power of the Voice of Saruman at work in this blogger. Even the MacBook Air’s advertising is sublime.

UPDATE II: The Voice of Saruman continues its work.

UPDATE III: But the Voice of Saruman is not all-conquering! This gentleman sees through the haze of the glamour to note the expense and time of a battery replacement.

UPDATE IV: On the other hand, the MacBook Air is slim, smooth, and sexy. Yes, that’s it. Just hand over the Ring of Power, and all shall be well…

UPDATE V: I was going to make a flippant remark along the lines that the women fall for the Voice of Saruman, but this lady sees through the glamour as well.

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